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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Who the Hell Kales?: Part II Sauteed Kale

I hate sautéed kale. 

If I were a kid, I'd be left at the table for hours on end, pushing the green bunches of crap around my plate with a fork. 

Or, my uncle might zoom a fork full of the antioxidant antichrist around in the air like an airplane only to land at the pursed lips upon my shaking head. 

Nope. Uh-uh. No way. Put me in time out. 

But, first, let's back up.

I used a recipe from Bobby Flay. (I didn't know he did anything other than grill either.) It simply instructed to heat oil with chopped garlic, add the kale and cook for 10-15 minutes. When finished, add salt, pepper and red wine vinegar to taste. 

I was careful to sauté the kale only long enough to wilt the leaves so as to preserve as much nutritive content as possible. 

And, I believe this was a mistake. 

I couldn't stand the strong, cabbage-y flavor when cooked "al dente", so I threw it back into a pan and cooked the living hell out of it. 

I had an entire conversation, ate lemon cake, made a salad, ate a salad (yes, in that order), screwed around online, and THEN I decided to sample the Kale Part II. 

Boiled down and rather spinach looking, I found the flavor to be just as repulsive. 

It was cabbage but more bitter. It was a brussel sprout that had be left in the sun…in vinegar. And, it was still kind of tough--not nearly the buttery quality of steamed or sautéed spinach. 

It was steamed spinach's ghetto cousin who visits each summer but everyone thinks smells like soup. 

But, you're supposed to love kale. You're supposed to make green smoothies of goodness and talk about how great your skin looks. You're supposed to stare cancer in the face and say, "Bite me, I eat kale."

I'm not sure, but I think my distaste for sautéed kale strips me of the health foodie merit badge that I earned sometime around the purchase of my first jar of tahini. 

Whatever. I was never a Girl Scout, anyway.

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